Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
