Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
