it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Let's paint friendship bongs
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
