I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she peed on how many people?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
