the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
