so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
