I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize