True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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