I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
