goodnight i made you a song goodbye
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
