I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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