Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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