Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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