thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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