New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
