I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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