I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I got inside last night via doggy door
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize