people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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