ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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