i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
