i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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