there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize