My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
