Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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