Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
