I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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