the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
