she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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