I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
