They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
