so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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