If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize