This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize