dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
