just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
