My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
