Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
