You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
