I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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