Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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