Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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