Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
