I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
third nipple confirmed
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
