Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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