I have demons in me.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
