dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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