Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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