i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
