I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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