I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
