I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
