Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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