We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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