I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
