FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize