Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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