i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
