Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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