If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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