What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My ass is underappreciated
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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