wanna go halves on a baby?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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