I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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