I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
