did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
