I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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