Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
