i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
