just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
