he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
we should paint friendship bongs
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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